To be wanted

I tried so hard to become someone for somebody

That I was never there for myself

I’m not the kind of girl they write songs about

Nor the kind that has heads turn when she walks into a room

I dreamt about being that

Tried to be that

There were a few who took notice

But I didn’t want a few – I wanted them all

I wanted to collect their stares, their praises, their touch – into a big bag and carry with me everywhere I go, to remind myself I am wanted

How I craved for that feeling – to be wanted

And they have wanted

They have wanted a subservient woman

They have wanted a sex slave

They have wanted a trophy wife

They have wanted a mistress

But they haven’t wanted me

Some said they do, but I know they wanted the picture of me they drew up in their heads

They coloured me in pink, but really I am blue

I guess there was only you who knew

But you didn’t come to rescue me

You came to save yourself